Friday, July 23, 2010

on dreams

Well, I am sitting here with my one year old, and it is breakfast time. It is a beautiful morning, and I am looking out the window thinking it is going to be another lovely day. Mornings are my favorite time of day with Ronan. He is smiling and doing his little dance in his high chair. He holds his little arms up and shakes his little body back and forth in a little dance. Of course, the sweet face he makes while he is doing this makes it even cuter. He looks at me like "I am cute, and you are impressed, right?"

My husband has talked about going swimming at the lake down the road from us today, and I think it will be fun. Right now though, in the back of mind, my dentist appointment for the day is on my mind. I need two fillings, which is minor stuff of course to most people, but I am a bit of a wimp when it comes to the dentist. Even the office makes me stress, and the sounds I hear in that place make my blood pressure rise.

I had a kind of bad dream last night about a lion. I was thinking it was maybe related to my stress about going to the dentist, but I have also learned over the years that I create a lot of stress in my life for myself. I worry about things all the time that "might" happen but are really quite unlikely. Still, I looked "lion" up in an online dream dictionary--a reliable source I know--and it said that lions in dreams are generally not good signs, but my lion told me everything was OK and not to worry. ;)

In my dream, for some reason, I had to take care of this lion, and I was worried about it all the time. The worst part of the dream was that, for some bizarre reason, the lion's cage was in my baby's room. I do have some crazy dreams. :) Anyway, every single day, I had to make sure the lion was fed. Apparently, in Crystal's dream world, lion's are satisfied with a few slices of lunch-meat ham. But one day I forgot to feed the lion his lunch meat, and when I remembered, I freaked out because I thought the lion would eat my baby. So I ran into the lion's/baby's room, expecting the worst, as seems to be my motto in life, only to find that the lion was out of his cage and sleeping in the corner. I went over to him with some ham slices, and he willingly went back to his cage. Before I closed the cage, he told me that he would never hurt me or the baby or anybody. He said I shouldn't worry so much, and since I took care of him, he would make sure the baby would be safe.

So call me crazy, but I think that dream means something in my life...Maybe it is about the dentist in some way...Maybe it is about some other stress I create for myself...

But speaking of dreams makes me think about bigger dreams, life dreams, the ones we all have for ourselves. Everyone has them, right? Those dreams that sometimes develop when we are children, but we have them as adults. The dreams that reflect our goals, our wants, for ourselves and our families.

If you are reading this, think about your dream for yourself. What was it? What is it? Are you living it? Are you ignoring it?

I am here to tell you that you should not ignore your dreams—even if they are big dreams. When I was in college, my advisor took a few of us to a talk given by a woman named Sarah Weddington. She was the youngest woman ever to argue a case in front of the Supreme Court. She was just 25 years old, and she won the case. The case was Roe vs. Wade! Talk about a big case, right? Anyway, I don’t remember much of her talk, but there was something that Ms. Weddington said that has stayed with me for years. She said that people should not be afraid to follow their big dreams—even if they seem impossible. After all, if nobody followed their big dreams, big things would never get done. Of course, I can’t quote her, but that was the gist of her message. I won’t forget it.

My dream when I was little was to be a writer. I read like crazy until I turned 16 and then was boy crazy. :) And I wanted to be like the writers whose works I was reading. I wanted to write novels and have them published. I soon, however, realized that I seemed to have a gift for teaching and for inspiring other people. Even in high school, I started to think I wanted to be a college professor, but it seemed unlikely, so I decided to major in Elementary Education. When I got to college though, I realized Elementary Education was not for me, and my college professors made me feel like I was smart enough to be one of them. They also showed me a path—a way to achieve this dream—and I was brave and followed it. It was a good thing to do.

As an adult, I still had this dream of being a writer, and I had this secret dream of being married to a writer. I imagined a household where writing and books were paramount, and my two imaginary children (one boy and one girl, of course) would love writing, too, and would go to college one day and say “My Dad and Mom are the famous authors of blah, blah, blah.” Of course, all this seemed impossible to me.
But then I met my husband. He is a writer. I liked him from the first moment I saw him, something just hit me. I think it was like the love at first sight people sometimes talk about. It wasn’t just that he was handsome. He looked wise and a little sad, like maybe he would understand me. And THEN, I read a couple of his short stories, and that was it. I knew I loved him.

Still, my dream seemed impossible for some years.

Of course, here we are. I now share my dreams with him. He is so gifted. It is a tragedy, in many ways, he is not famous yet, though I think it is lucky for me. If he had already been famous when I met him, how would he have ended up with me? He surely would have a young super model-like wife. Anyway, it worked out, I think. :) I feel we are on the cusp of making dreams come true.

My husband’s first book comes out this fall. I think it is going to be big. It is a children’s poetry picture book. It is a fun/scary story, and everything in me tells me people are really, really going to like this book. I worked for about five years as a Children’s Literature professor, and I have rarely seen a story this good. On top of that, some of the illustrations are now coming in from the artist, and they are amazing. So this is it, I think. The beginning of a dream come true.
I have this amazing husband, who is supportive of me and a genius with the written word. I don’t have a little boy and a little girl—two boys instead, but I love them so much. I am surrounded by guys, and so far, everyone seems to love reading and writing. Even our infant loves books like I have never seen a child love books. I guess it is in his DNA. More on that later.

Final thoughts to end my ramble...

People should try to follow their dreams. When you get off the path you are supposed to be on, you will start to have that “this is not right” feeling. I think this. I have felt that feeling a time or two in my life. I don’t feel that anymore, and it feels good. If we have to work hard anyway in this life, we might as well work at making our dreams a reality.

2 comments:

  1. I have several dreams for my life. My main dream is in 10 years for me and my husband to open and run our own psychiatrist office. I want to be educated in all the office and nursing needs. And my husband wants to be a psychiatrist. I also have a goal to lose 100 lbs in the next year. I'm getting a thing called a lapband in a few months and that should help. I am slowly acomplishing my dreams. By losing a few lbs a week and going to school online. It sounds that you are also living your dreams.

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  2. Well-expressed, Crystal. Indeed, we should each aspire to have dreams in our lives. Your dream-narrative of the lion was a fascinating glimpse into your inner psyche. I studied psycho-analytic dream theory at one point. But, my personal viewpoint on dreams is that they are not always quite as literal in their metaphors, meanings and insights as we may sometimes be tempted to think that they are.

    I hope that your dental appointment went well for you. I can think of very few people who really enjoy visiting their dentist. Or, who don't experience some form of 'drill fright'!.

    Aren't supportive husbands just amazing?. As with you, I have one, and he has transformed my life in so many enriching ways.

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